if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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