One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i came on her dog
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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