I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it hurts more in the daytime
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
