college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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