Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
