I got her a Nickelback box set.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
