K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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