just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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