"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
