Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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