Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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