the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
