Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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