This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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