He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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