I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
