I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
