Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
