haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
