I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
