What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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