As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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