No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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