i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
