I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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