He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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