I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize