Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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