Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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