why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
