What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
