flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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