You're my little dorito
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
