meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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