I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
