I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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