The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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