next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize