woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
