I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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