Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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