I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
