my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
