my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
