dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
