i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
