Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
