shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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