I'm gonna have a badass scar
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
