i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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