I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
