Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
