just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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