I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
