toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
