I just saw a hot homeless man
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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