So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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