I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
