Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
