I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
