I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize