I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
