idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
