Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
