So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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