i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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