You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
