it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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